Conversation # 1: Say whaaaaat? No, literally.
One thing I am absolutely horrible at is whisper talking. My guess is that growing up in an extremely loud Italian household where yell-talking is the normal tone, now any sound with 80 decibels or less no longer registers.
A few weeks ago, I was on the phone talking to my mother-in-law who lives halfway across the globe, and phone conversations are quite often a struggle between delayed sounds and a crackling line. While I was on the phone, my husband jumped in front of me while frantically waving his hands to get my attention. Between having my phone pressed up to my ear to pay attention to the distant sound of the conversation and trying to understand my husband’s game of charades hand signals that I wasn’t ready for; this is how the next part of my conversation went:
Me: Mamma P, I just heard that your niece has passed, and I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Mother-in-law: She has not passed. She just went in for surgery. She’s alive.
Me: [eyes bulge] Yay! That’s great news.
Me: Ok, have a great day and I’ll call you next week.
Mother-in-law: Ok, bye.
Conversation #2: Tar sands vs Tarzan
Brother: [at the dinner table] It’s horrible what is happening in Alberta with the tar sands.
Me: Yeah, huge problem to the environment.
Mom: [abruptly enters the room] What tarzans?
[Simultaneous looks of confusion]
All: Tar sands, not Tarzan!
Mom: Oh, ok, ok. I didn’t hear.
[Everyone shaking their heads]
Conversation # 3: Creation story
[Discussing evolution theory with a friend who is a high school teacher]
Friend: … Then that means we are all African-American.
Me: Noooooo, that means we are descendants of Africa, but that doesn’t make us African-American. There’s a difference.
[Me shaking my head]
Friend: Oh, yeeeah. [Laughing hysterically]
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